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Thursday, 22 April 2010

Beautiful Nose

I was out shopping recently and stumbled across an amazing product. Thai people are obsessed about having white skin which is why just about everything from moisturiser to antiperspirant to prune juice is sold under guise of a “skin whitening” product. They would also all like to have bigger noses, but you can't get one by putting bleach on your skin twice a day, so for those who can't afford surgery it's an unreachable dream. Luckily, China is on hand to sell false hopes to gullible fools:

That's right, for 78 Baht you can bestow clarity, beauty and happiness upon your little nose by putting a glorified peg on it! For the excited ladies who think this product to their anatomy will make their nose bigger and longer, however, men around the world can (dejectedly) assure you that such hopes are false and the Jiahe Nose Up will not add inches.

In case you're wondering where you might use the Jiahe Nose up, the rear of the product contains fairly poorly translated instructions:



Finally, where did I see (and buy) this nonsensical peg? Tesco of course! They really do have everything you need under one roof.

I won't be updating this blog any more - go to The Penang Blog to see my new and exciting Malaysia blog!

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Thai Censorship is a Disgrace

This post contains some pictures from Thai newspapers that some people might find unpleasant. It also describes the content of Thai television shows which are equally disturbing, so as a courtesy I'm putting this warning in for readers of a sensitive disposition. It's also a bit of a rant.

In my old blog I did write a small post about my opinion on censorship in Thailand, but I've been compelled to resurrect it in a new and longer form by a popular daytime TV show. As a bit of background, in Thailand daytime/evening programmes tend to last about 1 hour 30 minutes and can be on as many as 5 days a week for up to a month, like the much-loved Borp Apartment (a light-hearted evening programme about a bunch of idiots whose apartment building is being terrorised by two ghosts and who spend all their time coming up with schemes to outwit them, rather than moving away). Producers need to come up with a lot of content, therefore it's hardly surprising that most of it is repetitive. And terrible.

The show that has rattled my cages airs at around 1pm each day. I'm not going to name it in case I get into trouble, but I've nicknamed the programme “Stick-Hit-Rape” because this is what it's about. Characters fighting with sticks. characters hitting each other with their fists (as well as beating up women), and finally the rape and attempted rape of the women in the show. Every day.

I don't actively watch the programme, by the way, but it's being watched when I have lunch so I am forced to man-up and endure it. You'd think the routine violence against women would probably be the upper limit for mature content in a 13+ daytime programme, right? Wrong. I look on in amazement as I watch a terrified twenty-something in a bedroom, crying her eyes out, being told to undress herself by the criminal boss, who then climbs on top of her as the camera fades to black. I'm baffled how the censors allow this. It's not even an isolated event, a climactic and disturbing demonstration of the depth of the bad guy's callousness. It seems to be a routine part of most episodes at the exact time I watch them. For example, today we had an attempted rape by someone else, which included a 2-3 minute long physical struggle with the girl screaming and crying “I hate you, I hate you!” Don't forget that because this is at 1:30pm, on a Friday, during the Thai school holidays, I am sat watching this surrounded by young girls and boys.

Perhaps I'm unusually sensitive or my Western upbringing has given me a distorted view on the extent to which women being raped is a bad thing, but all I can say is “WTF is going on here?”

Thailand is a country that blocks adult-content websites because they are allegedly harmful to the morals and security of the country. Alcohol and cigarettes cannot be shown on TV because if children saw them they would become heavy drinkers who breathe smoke. This means that because the Korean Secret Agency programme is set in a bar about a third of the time, 50% of the screen has to be (clumsily) blurred. The three commercials that follow, strongly linking alcohol with friendship and fun (100 Pipers), with the ability to succeed against the odds (Jonny Walker) and with having exciting and fulfilling lives and success with women (Chang beer) are of course completely kosher. No to mention that once we return to the programme we might be treated to a rape or sexual coercion (though the Koreans don't seem to do this.)

It's not just the actual rape that I think is harmful to the impressionable psyche of the young viewers eating this wretched dross up every day, it's the way the aftermath is portrayed. In Stick-Hit-Rape, after a rape or attempted rape, the female characters seem to be as happy as Larry, continuing to live under the shadow of the rapist and in some cases continuing to interact with them. In an early-evening programme I watched, after one guy got drunk as a skunk and was helped back to his room by a lady, he aggressively told her they were going to spend the night together and then despite her crying and wailing protestations, he grabbed her and pushed her onto the bed (and fade to black – you know what that means). The next time I saw the programme, these two had decided to get married. I assume their proposal went along these lines:

“Kwan, sorry about, you know, getting drunk and forcing you to have sex with me. So, uh, will you marry me?”
“Jong, no worries, it's nothing, really. This is Thai TV – it's happened before. No-one ever asked to marry me though... I guess I won't do better than you, so yes I will marry you. I love you.”

What kind of message is this sending out to the male and female viewers? Watching television incredibly popular in Thailand and I think this widespread portrayal of sexual assault as fairly inconsequential, when you consider that children are seeing regularly it from a young age, could genuinely be influencing attitudes towards women and sex in the youth.

One of my few readers and regular commenter, “Moondoggy” replied to the previous post about censorship and said it seemed as though censorship in Thailand was controlled by a 12 year old boy with good intentions, so “Smoking and drinking = bad for you” and “Dead bodies in cars= cool!” I actually think he might be right and that censorship rules have genuinely been written by a 12 year old called Nit Wit. Nit won't have had sex-education yet and so doesn't know about rape, which explains why he allows it on TV. I was rather disturbed by the sight of seeing the silhouette of a man burn to death in the cab of a lorry on Thai TV, but I bet Nit Wit (probably high on a sugar) thought it was cool. Similarly, while I think that showing footage of a man attempting to jump off a roof to commit suicide but bouncing off a ledge and so not dying on the 19:45 news is highly unappealing, but Nit Wit presumably high-fives his friends and gives it the Okay.

Speaking of serious injuries, let's have a look at the newspaper reports of deaths. Remember that in Thailand you're not allowed to look at a photo of a naked lady or a film of someone drinking and smoking, because it's harmful the health and morals of the country. So, if we look at today's front page, I don't expect we would see anything unpleas-



My mistake. A dead woman in a car. Just imagine if that was your wife or daughter and you saw this. Still, although Nit Wit did quite like this photo, it wasn't gory enough for his tastes. Just a few days later though, his ship came in when this young man drove his motorbike into a truck:



Much better! A possibly missing leg and a dead teenager lying in a pool of his own blood. As long as there are no bottles of beer nearby, Nit deems this photo to be fine for children of any age to see.




The mildest death photo I found was of these two dead students, which I still thought was very grim. What I found very interesting was that when I asked anyone if they were bothered by the images, they said they weren't. Even the kids aren't bothered.

Is this what censorship in Thailand has sought to achieve? A nation of sober psychopaths completely desensitised to rape, violence and death. Nice.

Still, as a friend told me, “at least if you die in a sufficiently horrific motorbike accident you'll get your 15 minutes of fame on the front page of a national newspaper, so it's not all doom and gloom, Nick Towers!”

I won't be updating this blog any more - go to The Penang Blog to see my new and exciting Malaysia blog!

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Young Children for sale!

There are cute children in every village so I’m not labouring under the illusion that mine are the cutest in the world, but I thought I would share some of them. They’re not actually for sale, although Fitness First’s mum told me I could buy her for 5 Baht, which rather frightened the poor girl.



I call this little man Putter. He’s a big fan of the horn on motorbikes and he likes giving kisses. Everyone seems to like him and he never has a bad gurgle to say about anyone. In the photo he’s trying to do a “peace” sign, but clearly has a long way to go. I taught him how to do a thumbs-up on command, which he executes perfectly.



This is Bowl Cut. In Thailand most young girls wear their hair in this style, but Bowl Cut seems to have a special stylist who uses a ruler and only cuts horizontally, giving her a comedy helmet hairstyle that needs to be seen in the flesh to be properly appreciated. Bowl Cut and I are currently locked in a war of pulling faces at each other and I'm confident that with further support from the donating public I will emerge victorious.

When I forced every child in the village to do a certain number of pull-ups on the Jungle Gym, I was surprised to see the winner of the Under 10’s category was a girl, who I now call Fitness First. She has become a regular at the gym and continues to impress me with her work ethic and determination to pull herself up. I don't have a photo of her yet because she's quite shy so when I get one, I'll update this post.


Batman and Robin

This dynamic duo was an early favourite of mine and I thought they were a very cute couple. Unfortunately, Batman’s has started behaving aggressively. I suspect he’s getting this from his dad, who doesn’t seem like a particularly nice guy. I don’t really know how to react to his puny fists pummelling my legs and I don’t make a big deal out of it, but if he goes for a crotch-shot I pick him up by one leg and hold him upside down until he concedes defeat. The villagers seem to approve of this tactic.

Every child is special and all the children in the village have something interesting about them, but alas, only these four were available for the photo-shoot so only they are achieving internet fame. One nice thing is that I’ve been taking photos of little boys and girls and no one has given me devil looks or accused me of being a paedophile.

I won't be updating this blog any more - go to The Penang Blog to see my new and exciting Malaysia blog!