Just before I arrived in the village, a man died. As a result, everyone in the village was forbidden from doing certain things, such as digging, cutting down wood and washing their clothes. I find myself incapable of remaining clean for more than four hours and at the time I was starting to build my Jungle Gym so these things greatly inconvenienced me. Nonetheless, good times ensued when I was told that a ghost would be visiting the village that day, and not just any ghost. This ghost has an enormous penis and his goal is to touch people with it.
Do you like where this is going?
Apparently, if he touches a girl, she will become pregnant or infertile, and if he touches a boy he'll become infertile or unlucky. I'm interested to know where this story originates from.
Now if this was a usual ghost, we'd just be sitting around in the house all afternoon while absolutely nothing happened, so one of the villagers was either punished with, or volunteered for, the task of dressing up as a ghost and chasing people around the village whilst weilding a massive artificial penis. He wasn't alone though, he had a "handler" who carried a small stick, which made him immune to the penis, and this guy directed the ghost. I don't know why a villager would aid this beastly interloper, but mine is not to reason why...
Sinister...
What followed was an interesting mix hilarity and genuine terror on the part of the villagers, who would bait the ghost into running towards their house and then bolt inside, screaming. Those unlucky enough to get caught by the ghost weren't necessarily violated by his cumbersome appendage, as a few Baht was a sufficient bribe. I joined in for a while and was chased by the ghost and it was fun, but it soon became a bit repetitive. Clearly I don't have what it takes because the village kept this up for over 3 hours. Even once it reached the point where ghost had to take periodic breaks because he was exhausted, it didn't stop. Things only came to an end because the light started to go.
The Ghost Unleashed...
I was assured by several people that the last time this ghost came to the village, he could jump from roof to roof and it was much more serious. I was thinking about getting two long bamboo rods and hanging shoes from them, then going out at 2am and running them along people’s roofs like the real ghost, but I suspected there’s another way of getting rid of the ghost which involves rushing out with a gun and shooting him in the face, or worse, hacking off his penis with a machete, so I gave that a miss.
Stalking...
Luckily, three weeks later, no one seems to have become pregnant. I don't know if this is a ghost specific to the Akha hill tribe or one the general Thai population know of. If anyone is clued-up on their Thai ghosts, please let me know!
I won't be updating this blog any more - go to The Penang Blog to see my new and exciting Malaysia blog!
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