I had to go back into full-fledged tourist mode for this, and I came to find that we tourists do a whole lot of walking! Our whistle-stop tour of Thailand included:
Checking out the arson-victim Central World Pratunam shopping mall, where the best cineplex I've ever been to was destroyed. The loss of SF cinema was the only injury I suffered during the red shirt crisis. We also looked at MBK and Paragon, and rode canal boats (much cheaper and faster than taxis and should be crammed with dread-locked backpackers at those prices, who could compete with the certainly-not-crystal-clear-azure canal water for the “Most Offensive Odour” award)
A day out at the Ancient City in Samut Prakan, a park shaped like Thailand with replicas of various attractive architectural feats from around the country. You ride around on bikes (or golf buggies if you are wealthy or lazy). If you go on a busy day, however, be prepared to have your bike repeatedly stolen and replaced with some horrible little grey contraption by a moron. A moron who, despite the truly enormous selection of new and well-maintained bikes available at the entrance (including tandems, which are less likely to be stolen), elected to ride something you'd expect to see abandoned in a ditch - in a slum in Mogadishu. When my tandem was finally stolen, the brake line on the replacement snapped almost immediately.
Several days at the beach at Hua Hin. Phuket (Foo-ket, according to almost anyone white I've ever heard say it in Thailand) this and full moon that, but Hua Hin is close to Bangkok (2-3 hours), has a very nice, clean beach and isn't completely rammed with young Lonely Planet-totting hedonists raving about buckets of rum and how “This is Buck from America, we met him in Bangkok last month, then again Siam Reap at the guest house, then again in Luang Prabang at the guest house, then again in Hoi An at the guest house and also in Ho Chi Mihn city at the guest house, then this afternoon again on the Ko Sarn [sic] road.” More families and older couples at Hua Hin.
The only downside to this trip was that a broken tile in the swimming pool (the sea was too salty for my tastes so most of the swimming was in the hotel pool) sliced my right big toe open, which bled both copiously and enduringly.
Having insidiously wormed my way into the hearts and minds of the people at Taweechai Elephant Camp (in Kanchanaburi) we went to stay there for a few days to enjoy the elephants. Staying in a house belonging to the son of the camp's owner, we spent our time riding, bathing and feeding the elephants, as well as playing with the camp's baby elephant. Unfortunately, as he is approaching his first birthday, he is now far too big for me to wrestle with, but he remembers our daily battles and yearns to show off his new techniques (He has mastered his accuracy problems in slapping you with his trunk, which he proudly demonstrated on my face while I was looking away).
Iranian readers will be interested to know that the forthcoming cinema epic, “The Maritime Silk Road” features one of the elephants from the camp. Many Thai shows also use the camp because of it's proximity to Bangkok, and while we were at the camp the elephant my sister had bathed that afternoon (also the father of my friend the 300kg baby) was on such as show, which was mind-blowing.
Finally, we went up north to the village I live in. This was the most worrying part of the trip because it's not an “indoor-plumbing” village and the toilet is basic. I love it. My mum and sister seemed to manage fine with it in the end, though probably didn't enjoy it.
Think about it like this: You were walking along and tripped over like the clumsy bean you are, and managed to put one of your hands, or even just a finger, in a pile of excrement of the animal of your choice! Damn. If the Microsoft Paper-clip popped up and said “I see you're covered in faeces. Would you like some tissue or a bucket of water?” Which one do you think would be cleaner? So what makes the bum any different?
*Something I find quite odd is that it is only foreigners who refer to the capital of Thailand as Bangkok. All 60 million + Thais call it (roughly) Grung-Thép. Yet Thailand happily translates กรุงเทพ (Grung-Thép) into Bangkok, which as we say it should look more like บังคก. Whilst many country names are not the same in the native language and in other languages (Japan/Nippon, Thailand/ Pratét Thai to name just two English examples) cities are generally given their native names, albeit with slightly different pronunciation. Bangkok/Grung-Thép an aberration!
I won't be updating this blog any more - go to The Penang Blog to see my new and exciting Malaysia blog!
