The Indian is Compelled to Acknowledge his Inferiority

An interesting fact about Thailand is that it's the only country in Southeast Asia that escaped colonisation. For those interested in a little bit of history, the following text is for you. Readers with less time on their hands or limited interest in colonial expansion beyond the fact that at one point Britain “owned” ¼ of the world, skip down a few paragraphs, at which point the title of this post will make sense. It's only 364 words though - go on, don't be lazy!

In the late 18th Century Britain was looking to expand its trade into Thailand and demanded that the country lift the trade restrictions and royal monopolies that existed, or it would suffer the same fate as Burma, which Britain had colonised. King Rama III signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce in 1826, but sensibly embarked on a course of interacting with and learning from the British, to the point where the Thai elite's proficiency in English surprised British visitors. By exploiting the superior British knowledge of science and technology, Thailand hoped to profit and yet avoid colonisation, a strategy which worked remarkably well. Unfortunately “Thailandophiles” will be disappointed to hear that this wasn't totally a case of the Thais outsmarting the clumsy “Farang,” as we continue to the First Chinese Opium War in 1942. This was essentially a war over the fact that the British wanted to import opium into China and sell it to the population and the Chinese disagreed with the idea of loads of drug addicts. When the Chinese lost and were subject to humiliating treaty terms, it became clear that “if the greatest nation known to the Siamese” could be subjugated by the British, Thailand was skating on thin ice.

The game of beach volleyball where the Chinese Opium War started. Look at the determined rage on China's Face (left) and the slightly baffled imperial arrogance of Britain (right)

With Britain in Burma to the West and France in Vietnam to the East, Thailand was in a tight spot. Whilst the British seemed content to have Thailand act as a buffer between French and British territory, the French were keen to expand and threatened Thailand frequently. In those days France enjoyed a good war so Thailand was forced to ask for help from the British. Essentially England told France to back off, which she did, but in return there were territorial concessions to be made to both Britain and France. Thus between 1967 and 1909 Thailand lost rather a lot of real estate and the difference between an 1800 map of Thailand a 1909 map is quite considerable. Once we get to the 1930s Thailand develops a multiple personality disorder and changes it's name from Siam to Thailand and back again several times before settling on Thailand, and thus we have the modern Thai state.

***(This is where you start reading if you don't care about the stuff wot happened long ago)***

So, although Thailand escaped colonisation and the deterioration of it's political, religious and economic independence and the subjugation of it's people, a book I'm reading about Delhi in 1857 called “The Last Mugal” makes me wonder if perhaps the country missed out a little bit. Read this quote about the British eating habits by Aldous Huxley:

“Five meals a day – two breakfasts, luncheon, afternoon tea and dinner – are standard throughout India. A sixth is often added in the big towns where there are theatres and dances to justify late super. The Indian who eats at most two meals a day, sometimes only one – too often none- is compelled to acknowledge his inferiority... The Indians are impressed by our gastronomic prowess. Our prestige is bound up with overeating. For the sake of the Empire the truly patriotic will sacrifice his liver and his colon, will pave the way for future apoplexies and cancers of the intestine. I did my best while I was in India. But at the risk of undermining our prestige, of bringing down the whole imperial fabric in ruin around my ears, I used from time to time unobtrusively to skip a course. The spirit is willing, but the flesh, alas, is weak.”

For those who read everything, I hope that I gave you a chuckle but also taught you something; although it certainly sounds impressive to boast that our green and pleasant island at one point controlled ¼ of the globe and the sun never set on our empire, when you look at what really happened, is it actually something to be proud of? If a bunch of drug dealers from LA came to London and did a drive-by through Prime Minister's Question Time because they insisted on being able to sell crack in school canteens, would they have done something to boast about?

Luckily by 2008 everything had been forgotten.

Descendants of Queen Victoria, Thai history buffs, Americans who scoff at the tiny stomachs and puny portion sizes of the 19th century British colonists in India, anyone, write your comments below!

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